(Funny) Complaint to Allposters

Their email  to me – based on my feedback on a satisfaction questionnaire after buying a poster form the:

From: “orders@allposters.com”

To: montag451montag@yahoo.co.uk

Sent: Friday, 16 November 2012, 9:59

Subject: 1002029080100

Dear Mrs.Davies,

I am writing in regards to the survey you completed rating your experience with Allposters.com.I am sorry to hear that you are not happy with the size of your print.

On the website we always mention the size of the whole print and also the size of the image withour the white border.

This is to inform you that if you are not happy with it, you can easily return it for refund.

As soon as we receive it back, we will cancel your order and refund you on it.

If you have any further questions, please don`t hesitate to contact us again.

Kind regards,

Negar Fatemi

Customer Service Representative

Art&Allposters.com

0207 183 1770  +44 (20) 7183177

MY REPLY:

Sat 17th November 18.00

Good evening Negar,

Very kind of you to take time out of your busy day (or morning) to write to me about my feedback.  I say “write” but I, do of course, mean “type”.

I hope this finds you in a very well and happy condition.

You asked me to contact you again if I should have any further questions and I must say I do.  I would be most grateful if you could answer them.

I notice you “write” -I mean “type” -on line 4 of your text “[ ] the image withour the white border'”  and I have to express that I am not entirely sure what “withour” means?

Does it mean the white border in question is your family’s own border?

If so then I am surprised you gave it away to a perfect stranger.  Then again if the cost of the entire poster went directly back to your family I can understand.

It could be you and your family are so desperate for food and clothing, or maybe nipple tassles, that the money was sorely needed.

If it was because you no longer cared for the border then I am very glad to have received it -and will take loving care of it, despite the fact I did not intend to buy it in the first place.

I realise now that my error was in not realising that the poster would come with a border. I really wanted a posterwithout a border.

“Posters Without Borders”  sounds like and amazing and euphoric rhapsody that could unite the poster world don’t you agree?

Additionally you express a refund could be given should I return the poster and its border.  Would the border then go back to your family or would it be sold to another stranger?  And if so would the purchased nipple tassles have to be sent back to Ann Summers for a refund -to fund my refund?

I do not want your family to have to go to this trouble, for all I know it took a lot of gumption to buy the nipple tassles in the first place and you may not be able to strike up the courage to go back in and request a refund, apart from the fact they are most likely non-refundable, being for an intimate area, and thus you would have to find other means to fund my refund.

I might suggest using said nipple tassles in a show, but I cannot vouch for the attraction you or your family would draw to such a show, nor what entry fee you would charge and whether all in all it would cover my refund.

So with this in mind I will not put you to the trouble.   I also cannot get to my nearest Post Office as I am having both legs removed and replaced with nail files first thing on Monday morning and do not want to put my family to the trouble of packaging up the poster, and its border.

Thanks once again, and I hope to hear from you soon.

Davies (Mrs)

REPLY 20th November:

Dear Mrs.Davies,

Thanks for your email.

I`m really sorry it was a Type error and I meant ” Without the border” .It means that in our website, the sizes are mentioned with and without the white border.

And I`m sorry to hear you are unable to return it for refund.

This is to confirm to you that I have already requested the Refund of this item £14.99 back on your Paypal account.

Please allow 3-7 bus days for this refund to appear on your paypal account.

You don`t need to bother yourself returning that item. You can keep it for yourself or give it to somebody else while your will be refunded on that as you haven`t been happy with it.

If  I can be of any further help, please don’t hesitate to contact me. My email address is :nfatemi@art.com.I will be more than happy to be of your further assistance.

Thank you for dealing with AllPosters.com and we hope in the future you will again.

Best regards,

Negar Fatemi

Customer Service Representative

Art&Allposters.com

+44 (0)207 183 1770

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